It’s Shivaji jayanti today. That’s the birth anniversary of Shivaji maharaj. I have every respect for him and would love to read the stories about his fight against the moghuls as a child. This blog is not about Shivaji maharaj but about the fact that these historical dates were the bane of my life during childhood. I would love to read historical/mythological stories but was never able to remember the important dates. History exam would get me into a sweat… even mugging couldn’t help me. I could get the century right (well whats a 100 here or there!! ) but the exact date… well that was an entirely different story.
Here I couldn’t remember one birth date and these people would have 2. I mean why wasn’t a consensus taken so that each person whether living or dead could have just one birthday. Shivaji has 2 birth dates… oh well the Queen of England too celebrates 2 b’days…. I really don’t mind them celebrating any amount of days they want to….but why did I need to learn each and every one.
The only school year that I really enjoyed history was in the 8th standard and that too because we had history of architecture which I used to love and no exact dates… well this was my cup of tea… cos I would def get the centuries right.
That’s the reason why I cannot accept the way history is taught in our schools even now. When I see the text books now… it is full of details which have absolutely no connection to our day to day lives. Why should I know how many children the Deshmukh’s during Shivaji’s period had or what their names were? Why cannot this be taught to the children as a story and the questions asked accordingly. When I am hard pressed to get the details beyond my great grandfather from the municipality why would I want to remember the names of the children of Shivaji’s mavalas. Can someone explain this to me? The question papers have these questions and not about the actual cause that Shivaji fought for. Not every one has the chronology cell in their brains and this makes taking these exams a major aggro.
I myself lack this cell and sympathise with all the kids in this similar position. Each person has a like and dislike for certain subjects. It’s interesting to note that I would love maths but could not get these b’dates right.
This blog came up as I happened to look at the calendar and the date was in red so went to check what the event was and I remembered that a few days ago I had seen the BMC people cleaning Shivaji maharaj’s statue to get it ready for his jayanti. Ask me next year and I will still not be able to tell you the date…. I love watching the history channel…. The world events…etc…. can some one help me here… how I could start remembering the dates…. PPPPLLLLLEEEEAAAASSSEEE!!!!!!!!
Monday, February 19, 2007
Saturday, February 17, 2007
The money pot's awaiting you! Here comes the rainbow.
Money…money… money! That’s what makes the world go around. For a few months now I have been reading these ads in the newspapers how one can earn thousands sitting at home… part time/full time etc. Without fail there would be these small classifieds. I was intrigued. Oh well I thought with glee… may be I could get a nice income sitting at home. So today (since I was feeling especially lucky…. My feeling lucky and being lucky has abs no connection) I called this girl up. She told me how LUCKY (see even she thought it was my lucky day) I was, that they had an orientation programme just this afternoon and I should attend it. She just wouldn’t divulge any details about the product etc. She told me that the entrance fee was just Rs.30. As that was very reasonable I decided to attend the programme. One should note how carefully they guard the identity of their product till they have herded the unsuspecting people inside the conference room. So I paid the enrolment fee and got myself enrolled. Then went in to attend the programme. I never thought I would see live what I normally get to see on the telebrands shopping channels… where they speak about how extremely good a product it is and that there has never been and will never be another.
So this speaker comes up and tells us how he made it big. He came from a lower income group and used to live in a “chawl” and never thought he would buy an apartment of his own and then this company happened and today he had an apartment of his own, has traveled to foreign shores..etc..etc and etc.
Then there was a huge line of people who had used the products and how it had helped them lead a healthy life…. Then again the same people telling us how after a healthy life the same company has made them wealthy…. (don’t know about the wise as yet ).
As an outsider what I found most interesting were the speakers. Talk about marketing. It was a lesson. Bring on the middle class… people who don’t speak English well… they speak to you in hindi and this gets the lower/middle class/housewives. Throw in a CA so that the educated ones are hooked. When the middle class people hear about an all expenses paid trip to say Goa, it will definitely excite them . For some it’s a dream to even get away from Mumbai. Away from their humdrum lives…. Away from the crush of bodies that try to fit into a 10x10…. Just to be away from people.
It’s quite remarkable that these companies use just one basic of psychology to grab people. That’s body language. They point to the fact that the people who are sitting in that room with their arms crossed are close minded people and they will remain where they are because they will not open their minds to new avenues of making money and getting ahead. Suddenly you find people sitting up cos no one wants to be “narrow minded”. There you are…. Half battle won! Then the guest speaker came on. He was a great orator. He could have sold ice to an Eskimo and I am not even exaggerating. Now our minds were opened…. And we were told how abs lucky we were that there was a success training programme coming up the very next day. I mean when I felt lucky I never thought I would be THAT LUCKY!!! Once you enrolled with their company after paying about 4000 bucks you get to go to the programme in a 4 star hotel abs free (Read the last line in an excited kind of orgasmic voice… the way they say in the TV show)
The speaker said that we earn what we dream of. Our value remains at that level. So if we dream of living a clerks life we will remain that. To get out of that thought process we had to start dreaming big. This line I considered to be worth the Rs.30 I paid as the entrance. Yes what he said was abs right. You have to define your own value and work towards reaching that goal.
No I didn’t enroll for the seminar. Maybe for them I am a close minded person…. But I don’t believe in selling herbal/medicated products to anybody. I don’t have faith in miracle products which helps you reduce/gain weight within a few days when you don’t know about the long term effects. All the agents from the company were seen sipping these products ( makes one wonder if you can get addicted).
Untangling myself from dreams of mansions and dream cars, I got away from there…. My “narrow mind” and middle class values intact. Figured that I am not an adventurous person at all nor “open minded”. Guess entrepreneurs are made of diff stuff!
So this speaker comes up and tells us how he made it big. He came from a lower income group and used to live in a “chawl” and never thought he would buy an apartment of his own and then this company happened and today he had an apartment of his own, has traveled to foreign shores..etc..etc and etc.
Then there was a huge line of people who had used the products and how it had helped them lead a healthy life…. Then again the same people telling us how after a healthy life the same company has made them wealthy…. (don’t know about the wise as yet ).
As an outsider what I found most interesting were the speakers. Talk about marketing. It was a lesson. Bring on the middle class… people who don’t speak English well… they speak to you in hindi and this gets the lower/middle class/housewives. Throw in a CA so that the educated ones are hooked. When the middle class people hear about an all expenses paid trip to say Goa, it will definitely excite them . For some it’s a dream to even get away from Mumbai. Away from their humdrum lives…. Away from the crush of bodies that try to fit into a 10x10…. Just to be away from people.
It’s quite remarkable that these companies use just one basic of psychology to grab people. That’s body language. They point to the fact that the people who are sitting in that room with their arms crossed are close minded people and they will remain where they are because they will not open their minds to new avenues of making money and getting ahead. Suddenly you find people sitting up cos no one wants to be “narrow minded”. There you are…. Half battle won! Then the guest speaker came on. He was a great orator. He could have sold ice to an Eskimo and I am not even exaggerating. Now our minds were opened…. And we were told how abs lucky we were that there was a success training programme coming up the very next day. I mean when I felt lucky I never thought I would be THAT LUCKY!!! Once you enrolled with their company after paying about 4000 bucks you get to go to the programme in a 4 star hotel abs free (Read the last line in an excited kind of orgasmic voice… the way they say in the TV show)
The speaker said that we earn what we dream of. Our value remains at that level. So if we dream of living a clerks life we will remain that. To get out of that thought process we had to start dreaming big. This line I considered to be worth the Rs.30 I paid as the entrance. Yes what he said was abs right. You have to define your own value and work towards reaching that goal.
No I didn’t enroll for the seminar. Maybe for them I am a close minded person…. But I don’t believe in selling herbal/medicated products to anybody. I don’t have faith in miracle products which helps you reduce/gain weight within a few days when you don’t know about the long term effects. All the agents from the company were seen sipping these products ( makes one wonder if you can get addicted).
Untangling myself from dreams of mansions and dream cars, I got away from there…. My “narrow mind” and middle class values intact. Figured that I am not an adventurous person at all nor “open minded”. Guess entrepreneurs are made of diff stuff!
Saturday, February 3, 2007
metamorphosis of the "ghaten"
A few months ago I was invited for a wedding. It was a maharashtrian wedding. Now, middle class maharashtrians were never known for their fashion savvy. They have been always categorized as “ghatis”. No offence to anyone as I myself am a maharashtrian. So when I went to the reception I went with the normal concept of a maharashtrian wedding. That the ladies would be wearing at the most “paithanis” or the “shalus” from their own weddings. Was I in for a shock! When I got there, I thought I had gate crashed a balaji telefilms set. The ladies were in “kundan”(crystal) work chiffons. Draped in the latest of styles, with matching accessories. The metamorphosis of the ghati woman into a fashion “plate” has completely passed me by. I never realized that these days there are package deals for everything. The groom package with all the clothes required for the different rituals, the bride package. Glad to know that the marathi girls didn’t get left behind in this fashion race.
There were a couple of girls,whom most of the men were ogling. One was wearing a black saree (black till recently was a complete no no at our weddings) which had golden sequins and she had draped her saree in a gujrati style, but the pallu was left lose and she was wearing a very miniscule golden sequined bustier. That was when I realized that I have been relegated to the gen-prev (previous generation as against gen-next)…. Cos all I could think of was wardrobe malfunction. This girl was smart and could really carry off her outfit. But well…. In my mind all I could think of was wardrobe malfunction…a janet jackson moment… till recently I read an article that wardrobe malfunctions are also staged to get maximum effect and footage.
The second girl was wearing a lehenga choli. It was a bright orange outfit with a nice deep cleavage showing round neck with a tattoo proudly peeping over the neck line. She also had glitter stuck mehendi (Henna tattoos) on her hands.
I was proud to note that the ghatis have atlast arrived on the fashion scene. BRAVO!
There were a couple of girls,whom most of the men were ogling. One was wearing a black saree (black till recently was a complete no no at our weddings) which had golden sequins and she had draped her saree in a gujrati style, but the pallu was left lose and she was wearing a very miniscule golden sequined bustier. That was when I realized that I have been relegated to the gen-prev (previous generation as against gen-next)…. Cos all I could think of was wardrobe malfunction. This girl was smart and could really carry off her outfit. But well…. In my mind all I could think of was wardrobe malfunction…a janet jackson moment… till recently I read an article that wardrobe malfunctions are also staged to get maximum effect and footage.
The second girl was wearing a lehenga choli. It was a bright orange outfit with a nice deep cleavage showing round neck with a tattoo proudly peeping over the neck line. She also had glitter stuck mehendi (Henna tattoos) on her hands.
I was proud to note that the ghatis have atlast arrived on the fashion scene. BRAVO!
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Dial "D" for Doctor.
Thinking about a visit to the doctor makes me break into a rash. My BP goes haywire as probably does the sugar and cholesterol. So am an abs sitting duck for the local GP. I have to mentally prepare myself before. Thats the time when I remember the names of probably a crore (from the 33 crore) Hindu Gods. I send up a prayer to each one and barter with/argue with /threaten each one. Just to save myself a visit to the doctor.
Just the other day I had to make a trip to the doctor…. Before leaving the house I did all the relaxation/deep breathing exercises taught to me. No change. I landed up at the clinic. There were a few patients before me. There was this adolescent girl in particular who grabbed my attention. She was actually trying her skills of flirtation on the doc. I had this flash (like they do in the cartoons)… that I am a walking cadaver and this girl is making eyes at the doc. How come she isn’t scared of him….. when I was having the shivers. My antenna went up. After getting the giggly bit out of the way….. she asks the doc…. Did you get my good morning message (followed by another burst of giggles) Doc confused…. When did you send it……. Ms giggles…. Oh I sent it to you this morning….. as soon as I woke up…. I sent you a “Good morning Doctor” sms (proudly pointing to the latest model of a cellphone)….. doc told her very calmly…. How would I know who sent me the message….. the poor girl was abs shocked that doc wouldn’t have her cell no. stored in his (or his cell’s ) memory. Me thinks that the latest cell model became obsolete for her then… cos it didn’t do the most important thing of supplying the doc with the most vital info. I could see her good morning go down the drain like so much slush. BUT this is gen next… so she rallied at the speed of light and told Doc….. save the sms so that you know who sends you a message the next time. Talk about being forward…. This was fast forward!
This entertainment (free of charge…. Otherwise nothings free at the doc) brought a smile to my lips and helped calm me. Don’t know about Ms. Giggle’s morning but mine was made. Went through the visit in a jif (which normally seems like years).
I hope Ms. Giggles (or some one of her ilk…. That’s the beauty of being dark haired….. you cannot be categorized as being blondes!!) is present whenever I have a doc’s visit. I will be eternally grateful to her.
Just the other day I had to make a trip to the doctor…. Before leaving the house I did all the relaxation/deep breathing exercises taught to me. No change. I landed up at the clinic. There were a few patients before me. There was this adolescent girl in particular who grabbed my attention. She was actually trying her skills of flirtation on the doc. I had this flash (like they do in the cartoons)… that I am a walking cadaver and this girl is making eyes at the doc. How come she isn’t scared of him….. when I was having the shivers. My antenna went up. After getting the giggly bit out of the way….. she asks the doc…. Did you get my good morning message (followed by another burst of giggles) Doc confused…. When did you send it……. Ms giggles…. Oh I sent it to you this morning….. as soon as I woke up…. I sent you a “Good morning Doctor” sms (proudly pointing to the latest model of a cellphone)….. doc told her very calmly…. How would I know who sent me the message….. the poor girl was abs shocked that doc wouldn’t have her cell no. stored in his (or his cell’s ) memory. Me thinks that the latest cell model became obsolete for her then… cos it didn’t do the most important thing of supplying the doc with the most vital info. I could see her good morning go down the drain like so much slush. BUT this is gen next… so she rallied at the speed of light and told Doc….. save the sms so that you know who sends you a message the next time. Talk about being forward…. This was fast forward!
This entertainment (free of charge…. Otherwise nothings free at the doc) brought a smile to my lips and helped calm me. Don’t know about Ms. Giggle’s morning but mine was made. Went through the visit in a jif (which normally seems like years).
I hope Ms. Giggles (or some one of her ilk…. That’s the beauty of being dark haired….. you cannot be categorized as being blondes!!) is present whenever I have a doc’s visit. I will be eternally grateful to her.
Monday, January 29, 2007
And the winner is....
Just thought I should put this thought down before I forgot about it in the rush. Heard that Shilpa Shetty won the Big brother! Oh well.... with the whole of Britain of Asian origin wishing her well this was a given anyway. This is what one means when it is said that "Your luck will turn". Otherwise can you imagine an actor whose acting career or rather the hits that she's given is shorter than the minis that she sports goes to foreign shores in search of fame (or rather money.... I mean why beat about the bush.... better to call a spade a spade) and creates such a storm that the British couldn't wait to pack her up with the programme as well. Though I haven't watched the actual programme I did follow the news about the racial slur and when I saw her competiton so to say... well they looked pretty "DUH". Unfortunately quite a few people from the First world don't know much about the Indian sub continent at all and as a friend rightly told me they still ask questions like "Are there any snakes/ elephants?" " Do you ride elephants?" One smart alec answered "Yes we do share the elephant taxi (like share-a-cab)"... I abs loved this one.... so thought it deserved a mention.
Coming back to our Shilpa... tell me dear do they teach you how to react.... like the exact degree the jaw should drop to show the surprise/excitement/disbelief and happiness, and the exact number of tears one sheds along with the jaw drop. Since 1994 I have seen the exact reaction from all our winning beauty queens and thought I should also learn how to get the degree right, only I could use it on the traffic police when he pulls me over for speeding:) to show utter disbelief and the hurt feelings. Do send me the contact details... be a darling. Shilpa has now become an international star if the breaking news feeds are to be believed. Suddenly they have realised that she was a STAR here as well. Amazing! So I guess now Shilps armed with 100,000GBP prize money will land up in Hollywood. Hope baby your career takes an upward swing rather than the hemline taking it. All the very best.... do take hollywood by storm the way you conquered Britain.
BTW Rahul Roy won the big boss..... I can't say whether his career will take an upward swing.... and with the 50lacs he got, it would be rather difficult landing in Hollywood as well. Rahul you should try Big Bro if they are still up to going into another season. A real gambler would throw in the whole lot..... so go for it what do you have to lose anyway!
Coming back to our Shilpa... tell me dear do they teach you how to react.... like the exact degree the jaw should drop to show the surprise/excitement/disbelief and happiness, and the exact number of tears one sheds along with the jaw drop. Since 1994 I have seen the exact reaction from all our winning beauty queens and thought I should also learn how to get the degree right, only I could use it on the traffic police when he pulls me over for speeding:) to show utter disbelief and the hurt feelings. Do send me the contact details... be a darling. Shilpa has now become an international star if the breaking news feeds are to be believed. Suddenly they have realised that she was a STAR here as well. Amazing! So I guess now Shilps armed with 100,000GBP prize money will land up in Hollywood. Hope baby your career takes an upward swing rather than the hemline taking it. All the very best.... do take hollywood by storm the way you conquered Britain.
BTW Rahul Roy won the big boss..... I can't say whether his career will take an upward swing.... and with the 50lacs he got, it would be rather difficult landing in Hollywood as well. Rahul you should try Big Bro if they are still up to going into another season. A real gambler would throw in the whole lot..... so go for it what do you have to lose anyway!
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Pasta on the run.
Being Sunday I decided to get up a bit late in the morning and my schedule just went haywire. I had promised my nephew and neice that I'd make pasta for lunch. I tried getting out of that, tried bartering, promised gastronomic delights for the next week..... to no avail. I was the focus of accusatory looks. This recipe was born from that desperation... 1st to make pasta and 2nd to make it fast. So it's a mix of Indian, Mexican and Italian.... so we'll call this recipe Indimexicalian!! I just brought out the ingredients my fridge had inside. So here goes.
Recipe for Indimexicalian Pasta
Pour some olive oil in a pressure cooker. When it's hot add coarsely chopped garlic, green chilli, mint and corriander to it. Then add chopped onions, bell peppers, carrots (you could also add mushrooms... or just about anything you want to)..... sauteed for a couple of minutes and then added some salsa sauce. Then mixed it all up. Then added the spaghetti sticks (which I broke into halves) and added enough water to cover up all the spaghetti in there and some. After that add salt/sugar and paprika to your taste. Put the lid and weight and cook till you hear the 1st whistle. After about 10mins. Pour the contents into an oiled baking dish. Add bread crumbs (to mop up any extra liquid) and top it up with cheese. Bake in a pre heated oven at 200 Deg C till the cheese turns a nice brown. Voila!!! You are ready to serve the Pasta. Did taste good ... international integretion huh!
Recipe for Indimexicalian Pasta
Pour some olive oil in a pressure cooker. When it's hot add coarsely chopped garlic, green chilli, mint and corriander to it. Then add chopped onions, bell peppers, carrots (you could also add mushrooms... or just about anything you want to)..... sauteed for a couple of minutes and then added some salsa sauce. Then mixed it all up. Then added the spaghetti sticks (which I broke into halves) and added enough water to cover up all the spaghetti in there and some. After that add salt/sugar and paprika to your taste. Put the lid and weight and cook till you hear the 1st whistle. After about 10mins. Pour the contents into an oiled baking dish. Add bread crumbs (to mop up any extra liquid) and top it up with cheese. Bake in a pre heated oven at 200 Deg C till the cheese turns a nice brown. Voila!!! You are ready to serve the Pasta. Did taste good ... international integretion huh!
Saturday, January 27, 2007
The French connection
Since I started this blog "n" number of people have asked me why I changed my name to Shruti Pense (read Pensey as in a Maharashtrian surname). Earlier on I was feeling extremely smart about having been creative about coining a blog id for myself. How flat it fell!!! I had to keep on explaining about Shruti being one of the names given to me in the cradle and that pense is def not Pensey but a French verb which means to THINK.... so literally it means that "Shruti thinks".... Oh well she can certainly do that huh..... surprising as it may sound to some! Being a Francophile I thought I could give my blog id a French connection but did not consider the fact that there would be a cross connection much like the way it is thrown up by our MTNL.
My French connection started when I was in the university and we had a cultural exchange between the 2 countries. I was a part of the group that visited France and earlier to that we had a group of French girls visiting India. Quite excited about going to a country of which I had only heard..... I landed on the French shores. Though I had travelled within the Indian subcontinent had never been to a Western country. I reached there all wide eyed... complete FOB....though I had taken the time to learn a bit of French just to tide me in case of emergency. How I thought it would tide me over is beyond me cos the first time I decided to use my meager vocabulary to ask for road directions it sent the Frenchman into an outburst of such volatile gesturing and rapid fire French that it could have competed with the TGV for speed. I realised I was lost in "all" ways! The pride I felt at having mastered a few useful lines from the travel books and having taken some tuitions from a French speaking aunt went to dust.... completely.
I stayed with a nice French family. Most of the other girls stayed in normal dysfunctional families (which was more the norm than having the required set of parents and grandparents). The girl.. I’ll call her Fifi... had this boyfriend... well we'll just call him BF (very original)... who was TFH ( that’s Tall/fair/handsome as against the pre-requisite in mills and boon TDH tall/dark/handsome). Since Fifi had visited India earlier I had a bit of know how of the French customs. The form of salutation being a hug and kiss on the cheek. Fifi introduced me to BF and as was the custom he approached me to hug me..... and Fifi screeched a loud "STOP" (read that with a French accent). BF stopped mid stride ( well you have to start men on house training very early if you want them to respond to the orders).... he had this big question mark on his face.... he asked Fifi what the problem was..... Fifi's profound answer being "She's Indian". I am telling you my Indian sensibilities always desert me in stressful times. For the life of me I couldn't get the connection. I was as puzzled as BF. So Fifi elaborated "You can't kiss her as she's Indian and they don't kiss". BF, the poor chap had no knowledge of India (probably only knew the latitude and longitude) went red in the face. It was then that I realised how good it is to be dark skinned. However embarrassed you are it doesn't show (after that I never touched Fair and lovely.... and after I told my friends this episode fair and lovely lost quite a few clients and devotees). Here I was in a Sita like situation wanting the earth to open up and swallow me but it didn’t show on my face at all, while BF’s face resembled a ripe strawberry.
There was another moment when BF went all fire engine red. Fifi, BF and I visited Lille. When we reached there we spent a long time searching for a car park. Finally we parked and when we went to the apartment, I saw a huge car park right in front of the building. I was surprised at having parked at a distance (cos it was very cold and my Indian bones had still not acclimatized and I was shivering, and after having braved the cold, I was a bit put off that BF had not used the car park close to the building). So I definitely did have to voice my question…. Which I did very politely and BF’s reaction was resembling a strawberry… finally when he got back to being TFH he told me that the car park opposite was used as a pick up site by gays. So he didn’t want to park there. In the 80’s I wasn’t even aware if there were any gays in Mumbai….. and imagine having a pick up site for them in France or rather in Lille which was small town compared to Paris….. really the difference between a developed and a developing nation has never been brought to me so starkly. As is said that whatever happens in a developed nation happens in a developing nation after about a 10-15yr gap, they were already out of the closet so to say where as I wasn’t even aware whether the closet existed in Mumbai. After that I kept my counsel about asking BF embarrassing questions and enjoyed my stay in Paris.
It was an enchanting 2 weeks for me. This was the time I fell in love with the very Bohemian Mont Martre. It’s my dream that someday I can go there armed with an easel and different colour mediums and of course with a bottle of lovely dry white wine and paint La Guee Paris in all it’s splendour. I just love the view from Mont Martre.
Getting back to Mumbai I would regale my family with anecdotes from my visit. Once I was visiting my uncle. He had a friend who had also visited Europe around the time I was there. This man was in his 40’s. He had also been an FOB as this had been his first trip to foreign shores. He was telling my uncle how things were in Europe and then he said when he was in Paris all he heard everywhere was (this conversation took place in Marathi so here goes) “Chakchuk chakchuk”… so my uncle was puzzled. He asked him what he meant by that. His friend replied that anywhere and everywhere he looked he would see people kissing/smooching etc(which certainly bothered his Indian sensibilities as the generation then was used to being shown two flowers meeting up instead of the hero and the heroine enjoying a romantic clinch). My uncle looked at me and said but she never told us about that. All eyes were on me and I felt as if I had been caught coming out of a cinema after watching an adult film. Very clinically I explained the rules of kissing in France as explained to me by Fifi. If you are just introduced to a person then on parting you give one kiss on the cheek….. if you meet up again and you have started knowing the person socially… 2 pecks on the cheek… on becoming better acquainted 3 pecks and if you become very good friends then 4 pecks. If you want to check this out all you do is take a metro ride. When a station approaches the sooner you hear the kissing sound the better friends they are… otherwise it’s just a peck and off the train :) I thanked my stars that this person had not visited the Latin quarter. Otherwise the poor chap would have been rendered speechless and had he mentioned the scene I would have had another Sita experience.
So here I end the story of my French connection. Hope you guys haven’t dropped off…. And if you are reading this line then you haven’t ,so I must thank you for bearing with me thus far. :)
My French connection started when I was in the university and we had a cultural exchange between the 2 countries. I was a part of the group that visited France and earlier to that we had a group of French girls visiting India. Quite excited about going to a country of which I had only heard..... I landed on the French shores. Though I had travelled within the Indian subcontinent had never been to a Western country. I reached there all wide eyed... complete FOB....though I had taken the time to learn a bit of French just to tide me in case of emergency. How I thought it would tide me over is beyond me cos the first time I decided to use my meager vocabulary to ask for road directions it sent the Frenchman into an outburst of such volatile gesturing and rapid fire French that it could have competed with the TGV for speed. I realised I was lost in "all" ways! The pride I felt at having mastered a few useful lines from the travel books and having taken some tuitions from a French speaking aunt went to dust.... completely.
I stayed with a nice French family. Most of the other girls stayed in normal dysfunctional families (which was more the norm than having the required set of parents and grandparents). The girl.. I’ll call her Fifi... had this boyfriend... well we'll just call him BF (very original)... who was TFH ( that’s Tall/fair/handsome as against the pre-requisite in mills and boon TDH tall/dark/handsome). Since Fifi had visited India earlier I had a bit of know how of the French customs. The form of salutation being a hug and kiss on the cheek. Fifi introduced me to BF and as was the custom he approached me to hug me..... and Fifi screeched a loud "STOP" (read that with a French accent). BF stopped mid stride ( well you have to start men on house training very early if you want them to respond to the orders).... he had this big question mark on his face.... he asked Fifi what the problem was..... Fifi's profound answer being "She's Indian". I am telling you my Indian sensibilities always desert me in stressful times. For the life of me I couldn't get the connection. I was as puzzled as BF. So Fifi elaborated "You can't kiss her as she's Indian and they don't kiss". BF, the poor chap had no knowledge of India (probably only knew the latitude and longitude) went red in the face. It was then that I realised how good it is to be dark skinned. However embarrassed you are it doesn't show (after that I never touched Fair and lovely.... and after I told my friends this episode fair and lovely lost quite a few clients and devotees). Here I was in a Sita like situation wanting the earth to open up and swallow me but it didn’t show on my face at all, while BF’s face resembled a ripe strawberry.
There was another moment when BF went all fire engine red. Fifi, BF and I visited Lille. When we reached there we spent a long time searching for a car park. Finally we parked and when we went to the apartment, I saw a huge car park right in front of the building. I was surprised at having parked at a distance (cos it was very cold and my Indian bones had still not acclimatized and I was shivering, and after having braved the cold, I was a bit put off that BF had not used the car park close to the building). So I definitely did have to voice my question…. Which I did very politely and BF’s reaction was resembling a strawberry… finally when he got back to being TFH he told me that the car park opposite was used as a pick up site by gays. So he didn’t want to park there. In the 80’s I wasn’t even aware if there were any gays in Mumbai….. and imagine having a pick up site for them in France or rather in Lille which was small town compared to Paris….. really the difference between a developed and a developing nation has never been brought to me so starkly. As is said that whatever happens in a developed nation happens in a developing nation after about a 10-15yr gap, they were already out of the closet so to say where as I wasn’t even aware whether the closet existed in Mumbai. After that I kept my counsel about asking BF embarrassing questions and enjoyed my stay in Paris.
It was an enchanting 2 weeks for me. This was the time I fell in love with the very Bohemian Mont Martre. It’s my dream that someday I can go there armed with an easel and different colour mediums and of course with a bottle of lovely dry white wine and paint La Guee Paris in all it’s splendour. I just love the view from Mont Martre.
Getting back to Mumbai I would regale my family with anecdotes from my visit. Once I was visiting my uncle. He had a friend who had also visited Europe around the time I was there. This man was in his 40’s. He had also been an FOB as this had been his first trip to foreign shores. He was telling my uncle how things were in Europe and then he said when he was in Paris all he heard everywhere was (this conversation took place in Marathi so here goes) “Chakchuk chakchuk”… so my uncle was puzzled. He asked him what he meant by that. His friend replied that anywhere and everywhere he looked he would see people kissing/smooching etc(which certainly bothered his Indian sensibilities as the generation then was used to being shown two flowers meeting up instead of the hero and the heroine enjoying a romantic clinch). My uncle looked at me and said but she never told us about that. All eyes were on me and I felt as if I had been caught coming out of a cinema after watching an adult film. Very clinically I explained the rules of kissing in France as explained to me by Fifi. If you are just introduced to a person then on parting you give one kiss on the cheek….. if you meet up again and you have started knowing the person socially… 2 pecks on the cheek… on becoming better acquainted 3 pecks and if you become very good friends then 4 pecks. If you want to check this out all you do is take a metro ride. When a station approaches the sooner you hear the kissing sound the better friends they are… otherwise it’s just a peck and off the train :) I thanked my stars that this person had not visited the Latin quarter. Otherwise the poor chap would have been rendered speechless and had he mentioned the scene I would have had another Sita experience.
So here I end the story of my French connection. Hope you guys haven’t dropped off…. And if you are reading this line then you haven’t ,so I must thank you for bearing with me thus far. :)
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